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All reviews - Movies (8)

Sausage Party review

Posted : 2 years, 5 months ago on 12 August 2016 10:56 (A review of Sausage Party)

My thoughts on Sausage Party :D (spoiler free as always unless it was in the trailer then it is fair game)!

The short answer: Brightly animated, jokes both visual and verbal come a mile a minute, pulls NO PUNCHES, you will be offended, you will be grossed out, but you will laugh your a$$ off XD go see this movie!

Oh and I know that you guys are smart cookies :3 but if you were thinking of bringing your kids, nieces, nephews, etc. to this thing DON'T!!! IT IS NOT A KIDS MOVIE!?!?!? I am dead serious....... o-o oh but if you are too young to get into this movie just tell your folks it's the latest from Pixar/Dreamworks :D no no don't do that....... but only if you really want to ;D

The long answer: Sausage Party if the latest haze of smoke from the drug enhanced minds of Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg, and their usual crew; that is a bit of a spoof on the Pixar/Dreamworks animated films (The opening song is composed by Alan Menken even :D yeah the guy behind the songs from The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, and Aladdin just to name a few :D)!

It tells the tale of Frank the Hot Dog voiced by Seth Rogen and Brenda the Bun voiced by the lovely and funny Kristen Wiig and their adventure in their society that is the supermarket Shopwells. They live in a world where every food item views humans as Gods and to be selected to leave the store is a great honor because "The Great Beyond" awaits them. However, Frank and Brenda find themselves stranded in the supermarket and trying to find their way back to their aisle in hopes of being "chosen" again while unraveling the truth of what happens when food leaves the store and meeting some colorful characters along the way :D

And when I mean colorful I mean this film covered it's bases and effectively makes fun of I think every single race in the book (Irish, German, Native American, Black, Asian, Latino, Muslim, Jewish; I might have missed some) several religions and several communities and to tell you the truth; with how serious, depressing, and for lack of a better term PC the world has become in recent years this was a breath of fresh air that was just the laugh I needed XD

Was I offended and think they went too far sometimes; yes. Did I find some jokes more crude and disgusting then funny; yes. Is it immature; yes. But, those things didn't ruin the movie for me because they went all the way with their humor. My philosophy is that you make fun of everyone; or no one at all and that there is a time and place for humor and a time and place for no humor (but a movie is sometimes the perfect place for humor; it's escapism) and this film understands that. So the fact that some parts got to me showed that it worked; at least from my point of view :3

So if you are someone who is offended easily, doesn't like sex humor, crude humor, swearing humor, immature humor, you will probably have a bad time with this feature film :3 but the fact that we live in a time where an animated R film is possible is fantastic because there hasn't been one is a while (yeah there are more look them up I dare you o_o).

But, to wrap up guys Sausage Party is a brightly animated spoof on the typical Pixar/Dreamworks formula (think Toy Story but with food) fused with a stoner comedy, whose creativity comes from it's gloves off offensive jokes and great visual gags, and strangely has a few messages that might just ring true and resonate with some folks :3 Also, the last third act of this film might go TOO FAR like REALLLLY TOO FAR. I thought they would stop at some point; but NO they keep going and going and it gets MORE and MORE CRAZZZZY; I was stunned, horrified, confused, and laughing all at the same time XD the fact that last third is in this movie just might be worth the price of admission alone!

So for this wild ride I liked it better then expected and I gotta be honest I'm gonna give Sausage Party 41/2 stars out of 5.

As always thank you guys so much for reading my silly reviews it really brings a smile to my face to know you took the time to at least hear my opinion :) I look forward to doing more of these and who knows if enough people request something I might just have to see it ;)

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Practical Magic review

Posted : 2 years, 11 months ago on 31 January 2016 09:40 (A review of Practical Magic)

Rating: Zero Stars

This "film" made me feel something I hadn't felt in a while as I watched it; pain, confusion, and anger. I don't really know why this "film" is getting to me so much I didn't have any expectations going in I just happened to be having a Nicole Kidman semi-marathon and this happened to appear next on Netflix. But, man was it bad. I mean REALLY bad.

The most glaring problem with this "film" is its tone; it doesn't know if it wants to be dark comedy or lighthearted comedy; is it for adults? Teens? Kids? I couldn't tell you. What I can tell you is that the adults in this act so wacky and over the top you'd swear this is some after school made for TV Halloween show produced by the Disney channel to keep your kids quiet. 

But, then there will be these dark tonal shifts that come right out of nowhere including death, murder, revival of a corpse, murder again, burial in the front yard,and an exorcism. These tone changes don't blend well almost as if 3 or 4 different movie ideas were all thrown together.

Besides those issues SO many things don't make sense or are just confusing or are just plain stupid (By the way SPOILERS); for instance in the beginning we are told that the distant ancestor of Sally and Gillian (played by Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman respectively) was abandoned by her lover and thus, put a spell on herself so she wouldn't fall in love ever again because she didn't want to deal with the heartbreak (okay in this world they are creating I can by that) however, then this spell becomes a curse and now will affect all generations that follow and if someone should fall in love then their partner will die soon after..... and the death will be signaled by the clicking sound of a beetle....  


Well why did it become a curse? Wasn't it already a curse since you would never love again? Why did it turn into something so specific that you never explain the rules to fully? If their ancestor put the spell (now) curse on herself can't you just put your heads together and remove it or change it? (There are several generations of your family who know magic so it never occurred to any of them to sit down and try to solve it)? 

When I thought about it I realized why they didn't try to undo this "curse" because then everything would have been solved and we wouldn't have a "movie" but this could have been an easy fix just have someone else place the curse on her and then show that the generations of her family have tried to undo it but have never been able to solve it; don't just have them shrug their shoulders and act like it's all cool! Especially if they are going to fall in love with someone and act like this whole death thing isn't going to happen! (I am sorry if I come off strong but when a film falls apart on its own BS logic within the first five minutes; one tends to notice these things! Also, the sisters end up breaking the curse by the end because of some BS bond they made; see was that so hard!?!?

Which brings me to my next point about Sally and Gillian and their Aunts who raised them after the curse claimed their Father and their Mother left the girls with them. The Aunts actually argue about this curse being an "actual" curse; that's right one says those deaths of the partners were accidental and the other says it was the curse. Even though in the opening narration they both said it was a real curse and were telling this story to both Sally and Gillian as little girls around the time they were also arguing whether or not the curse was actually real; so yeah kind of a big miss there on the writer's part but again if the Aunts actually knew the curse was real (which they should know) then there wouldn't be any "conflict" in this story.

So get this despite one Aunt saying the curse is real and one saying it isn't they throw caution into the wind and put a spell on Sally to get her interested in this one man who she then marries and has two daughters with him. Then big shocker! He gets hit by a truck and dies. Then when the Aunts tell her about it they say they just wanted to give her a push not have her fall in love! WHAT THE F**K!

So what did you guys expect to happen?
If you didn't want her to fall in love what did you want her to do?
Why would you use a bit of magic on her and push her in the direction of her most likely falling in love; if you didn't want her to fall in love?

Then to make it even more confusing that beetle comes into play with that clicking sound and when Sally (Sandra) hears this in her home she desperately tears up the wooden floor boards to find the beetle. But, WHY? If she finds the beetle before it stops can she somehow prevent her husband's death? I don't know because the "movie" never bothered to detail that kind of important information when they said a beetle signals death.

There are numerous problems like that throughout the entire run time that it is impossible to not notice them. Also, if that wasn't enough there's bad dialogue throughout this thing too! Oh boy! Such as she died of a broken heart! They use that broken heart BS several times throughout this thing and it made me sick; I guess we know where those Star Wars prequels got that idea from.

On a final note I don't know why I hated that scene where they dance through the house listening to the song "Coconut" all I know is that I NEVER want to watch that scene again. 

I suppose this film was shot well and had some good songs in it but besides those qualities I hated this "movie" it was obnoxious, mean spirited, all over the place, annoying, confusing, and just one of the most unpleasant and painful viewing experiences of my life! I am getting a headache just thinking about it! If you enjoyed the "movie" I'm glad it did something for you more then it did for me because for me personally it was just insulting to my intelligence and didn't do a thing for me.

Thus, I reiterate my rating: Zero Stars.    

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Flashpoint Paradox: Got me to write all this!

Posted : 5 years, 6 months ago on 18 July 2013 01:38 (A review of Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox (2013))

I was lucky enough to see an early viewing of the latest DC animated DVD film line up and I have to say it was a lot of fun! Now the comic which this is based off is on my to read list so this will just be me comparing it not to the original source material but as a stand alone film. Of course as a 90's child I grew up watching the animated series of Batman Superman and of course The Justice League. So needless to say I'm somewhat familiar with the personalities of these characters. However, putting my childhood nostalgia aside does Flashpoint work?

Well friends my answer is yes; yes it does work and is a very exciting ride. There are a few problems that I noticed and would like to address but to me they were very minor. I've seen most of the DC animated films direct to DVD by Warner Brothers but I can say this is much darker if not the darkest film I've seen from there line-up. Well maybe dark isn't the right word my like the most profanity and blood/gore I've seen from the line-up. Now for me I liked this aspect for this particular film because it really gave me a feeling of how different this altered timeline truly is. Just how hopeless and bleak they make it really hits home. Also, I never thought I would hear Hal Jordan say a**hole in a film like this! Bonus, points for the creators working it in. Now do I necessarily want every DC animated movie to be graphic, dark, and at times hard to watch and mean spirited? No of course not each adaptation requires their own tone and flow to draw the viewer in and here I think it works to the films advantage.

But, how does the story and characters hold up? Well lets look we dive right into the back story of young Barry Allen. In fact the way they start this film you almost expect this to be a cheesy melodramatic ride however, the tone soon changes as Barry returns home to find his mother dead (on her BIRTHDAY no less!!!!!!)! Fast forward (Or Flash Forward) to adult Barry Allen aka The Flash. Now here is where some viewers might be rather confused The Flash goes off to fight several villains of his and beside from dropping a few names unless you are a comic book reader or watch the Justice League show you might not know who any of these guys are. Although later in the film The Flash does explain who Professor Zoom aka Reverse Flash is and where he comes from.

But, the plot really gets interesting when Barry Allen wakes up at his office desk and discovers something well.... different. His Mother is alive!!!!! But, this world he finds himself in has never heard of The Flash he doesn't even have his superpowers! It turns out that Barry Allen decided to run so fast that it broke the time barrier itself in order for him to go back in time and stop the faceless criminal from killing his mother (as a note I like it when they keep the killer of super hero's parents faceless because that plays to the whole idea that anyone could be a criminal as crime has no true face so major props to the film for keeping the killer's true identity a secret). As a direct result for changing and breaking the time barrier the time stream not only brought Barry Allen up to speed in this new timeline but also has left him with memories from both the original timeline and this current one; including all the years he would have spent with his mother and did in this altered timeline.

However, because he broke the time barrier it caused a ripple which altered major events and people across the world. For instance Aquaman and Wonder Woman waged war and took parts of Europe for their own empires and are locked in a bloody world war of Atlanteans and the Amazons which threaten to consume the rest of humanity in the crossfire! Cyborg now works for the government and is practically ten feet tall (Yeah! Go Cyborg). Also, major super heroes were never realized Superman never was found by the Kents and Hal Jordan was never at the crash site to obtain the ring to become The Green Lantern. And Batman......... well I'll let you find out about that one.

All in all this film has minimal problems in my books the most glaring one to me is side characters who I recognize and I know from the different mediums in the comics or show getting shoved aside too soon. For example I wish they showed more Slade/Deathstroke more in this film I mean him and Lex Luthor fighting side by side was a really cool and fun scene I wish it could have given me more. But, they give the major prominent players of The Justice League excellent screen time so like I said before it is only minimal too me.

Beside that as my biggest problem. This film has great voice acting, fun well paced action scenes, a great solid story (I'm just a sucker for altered timeline tales), and the animation is top notch some of the best I've seen out of the DC animated line up! It is colorful, flowing, and just a treat to look at. So despite minimal problems it certainly does not slow Flashpoint down in the slightest this is some grade A material people. And after what I just saw I've already put in a Pre-Order for this DVD on Amazon because I want to see more DC animated DVD films! Keep up the great work Warner Brothers and thank you reviewers for taking the time to read my review. This is the SwornShadow I may stick to the shadows but I bring films into the light!

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Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) review

Posted : 6 years, 11 months ago on 22 February 2012 04:39 (A review of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978))

Every since I got into watching films frequently I've discovered a taste for certain genres: one of my personal favorites being the midnight drive in B-movie films. Thus, it makes sense that the original Invasion of the Body Snatchers from 1956 is one of my favorite films in that area (not to mention one of my favorite films of all time). The way the story was told was gripping and suspenseful in the original. I can honestly say that the original movie scared me beyond belief; the very idea that your loved ones turn against you and slowly kill off human civilization. Now that to me is a scary story to be put on screen.

However, that's not what we're talking about today; no we are talking about the 1978 remake version. Now so many people and reviewers I meet have told me, "Wow if you really liked the first one then you're really going to love the remake! They did it so well it's way better!" Of course I didn't go into the film expecting better than the original but I had my expectations high. I mean two decades later and an all star cast of characters I was really excited to see this movie. However, upon finishing it my expectations fell flat.

I guess the best way to review this film is to break it down by the elements. To start the characters; I know, I know I just complimented the all star cast and now I'm turning against them but let me explain. Now in this movie I think it's a little confused as to who the Major character focus should be. I mean at first I thought that Elizabeth would be the main focus; I thought that would be a great way to tell it. Instead of telling in flashback throw us into the story from the beginning. Honestly that was a great idea and now the movie will focus on Elizabeth as the center of this story. But, later on the movie decides that Matthew should be the focus of the story and have the last major action scene. Plus, since these two are just friends instead of lovers it sort of dampened the sad moments for me (not to say they weren't sad but it made me feel less then the original did).

Also, at times I feel like some of the actors have very little to do I mean they got Leonard Nimoy and he just stands around for the most part! Also, they got Kevin McCarthy to cameo in this movie but it was a draw back to the original and it felt forced. Maybe I'm being to hard on this film but I really had high hopes for this remake: good remakes do exist and I thought this could be one of them.

But, probably one of my biggest problems with this movie is the way they portrayed the pod people. No don't get me wrong they kept the pod people back story still a mystery and that's what I find scary: the unknown. However, the way they shrieked in order to alert others about humans was silly and unnecessary. I mean how am I suppose to take the shrieking seriously? It just comes across as goofy and forced. The scariness of the first film was how identical the enemy was to us; how the enemy could be living next door, your parents, maybe even the girl holding your hand. But, the remake was all like, "We don't need subtlety! Let them scream and shriek that will strike fear into the hearts of our viewers!" Now maybe some people found the shrieking scary but personally I think it gave away who was on what side. Before you didn't know and now here's a distinct indignation that they are the enemy. I know some people will say, "Well they don't scream when there are more people around!" To that I say of course they don't so why would they do it when they have just a few more humans to nab? Wouldn't that increase their chances of losing people that know what they really are? Again back to the original people will say, "But, it that movie the Pod People showed themselves to the main characters by flat out telling them." To which I say; well yeah they were sure they had them cornered and wanted to bring down their morality to a state of helplessness. They acted like that because they had the knowledge to because they were without emotions. In the remake they just make them monsters with basic instincts.

Anyway that's my two cents and I just wanted to put this out here. No offense to any fan of this film; this is just my opinion and this film wasn't for me. It tried to be on par with the original and I was hoping it would. But, sadly for me it fell flat. I mean it's certainly not the worst remake in the world believe me it's not but for me it didn't match up to the feeling of the first one. Thank you for your time :)

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In Time review

Posted : 7 years, 3 months ago on 14 October 2011 09:44 (A review of In Time)

Here it is a movie from the man who brought us Gattaca! Alright this is going to be great I've got my popcorn, drink, and early screening ticket here I go!

That was terrible! I didn't like any of it how is this possible. Yes fellow watchers of films and reviewers of the internet this film is an all time low for the Sci-Fi genre. In a world where no one ages past 25 and everyone's life span is timed. Now I do have to give the film credit the idea that everyone's life span is maintained by a ticking clock is pretty original. They also use time in this world as a means of currency which is also very unique.

Sadly, this future is so dull and boring. It brought nothing new to the table in terms of technology or atmosphere. I found the main character Will played by Justin Timberlake to be very bland and irresponsible. For example Will is a lower class citizen who works his tail off to survive in this world; but catches a lucky break when he encounters a upper class citizen who wants to give him all of his time.

The man asks Will "What he would do with it?" to which Will responds, "I wouldn't waste it." Five minutes later he's off gambling all his time; yes ALL his time at a casino. Yeah he sure didn't waste it or anything clearly he was the perfect choice.

Also, much like the 7th Harry Potter film there are a lot of deaths in this movie when they run out of time. However, where we knew the characters in Harry Potter really well and mourned their tragic loss; in this movie the side characters hardly get any screen time for proper development. All we learn is small bullet points like they are family members or they are my dear friends. But, that's it you feel nothing for these people when they pass away.

That was another problem with the characters; if they weren't bland and uninteresting. Then they were really selfish and stupid so it was really hard to connect or even feel sorry for anyone.

Also, if you are thinking; "Hey maybe this film will have a dumb plot but perhaps we will get some cool actions scenes?" Again another problem the weapons are just normal guns and don't stand out with any future qualities. Also, they are barely even used it this movie. When the Timekeepers try to chase down our "hero" instead of major fighting or shooting scenes we get these pointless chases. That don't lead the film anyway and amount to nothing.

Also, not to give anything away (like it matters) but this screening had one of the worst and boring climaxes I have ever seen in a film. Hopefully the feedback they got for the audience will give them the hint to change the ending.

Bottom line friends you want to skip this one it's not Soylent Green, Planet of the Apes, or 2001 A Space Odyssey so do yourself a favor a treat yourself to a great movie this October. Maybe even saw a few bucks and head over to your local blockbuster. Thank you for letting me share my view and I hope you find that right movie :)

Thank you for your time and take care :)

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Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989) review

Posted : 7 years, 4 months ago on 14 September 2011 03:09 (A review of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989))

What can be said about Honey, I Shrunk the Kids? Well it's a classic sci-fi family story invovling an accident with a shrink ray. Throw it in with a backyard and you have yourself a jungle where the smallest everyday animals, insects, and of course lawn-mowers can lead you to death (You know for kids!).

But, joking aside this film took an idea (shrinking) that had recently picked up with the 80's flic Innerspace (which in itself drew from 50's B movies). However by changing the setting to your everyday backyard and your minatures to four typical kids you have a perfect matching formula.

Now to be honest this film has a lot of dark and sad moments as well trust me the music will tell you when to feel those emotions. Again sorry folks I can't help myself sometimes. But in truth I've always believed that a perfect kid's film should contain elements involving life/death, to allow for acceptance of loss and the understanding that no one not even the good characters in films are always safe.

This is a family flic you don't want to pass up and it has many light hearted and touching moments to balance out the dark moments as well. This is a film that could serve as a great transition for children into more serious films. Rent it the next time you have a free Friday night and decide together as a family.

Thank you for your time :)

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The Secret of NIMH (1982) review

Posted : 7 years, 4 months ago on 13 September 2011 10:12 (A review of The Secret of NIMH (1982))

The Secret of NIMH a classic childhood classic of mine; yes I owned and watched this movie often as a child through my VHS tape. However, my nostalgic value aside and my professional opinion towards movies today is The Secret of NIMH a good film or a great film?

Well to point out the number one plus about this movie is that it was created by Don BLuth one of the greatest animation Directors of all time. With his classic 2D hand drawn animation you really get a feel of how dark this world can really get. Now I know this is marketed for kids and I believe kids will enjoy this film as well as adults. It has it's touching light hearted moments but can suddenly turn dark and serious. That's what's great about this film it gives us a serious story and because it takes the audience serious we want to watch it and know more.

The voice work in this film is outstanding that's always been a pattern I've noticed with Don Bluth he always seemed to be able to create these characters with perfect voices to match. Trust me when I say this one is no exception. The characters give of each of their own vides whether those emotions be courageous, mysterious, or corruption.

In this story we don't get a tough mainly kind of hero but rather a recently widowed mother Mrs. Brisby who will face her worst fears for the sake of her family. We are also introduced to the leader of super intelligent group of rats known as Nicodemus. All of whom escaped from NIMH (National Instiute of Mental Health). I have to be honest the orgin story of the rats of NIMH aided by the sage voice of Nicodemus (Derek Jacobi) is one of the greatest moments in animation story telling you will ever see. It's truly one of those moments you must see for yourself.

Bottom line my fellow movie watchers this film is one of the most under rated films of all time in animation history and yet to this date I call it Don Bluth's best work that he ever accomplished. If you haven't seen it yet you can easily order or buy the DVD I highly recommend it to people of all ages who are fans of animation. I hope you enjoy it and pass it on to the next generation so they won't forget the classic animation that dominated the past.

Thank you for your time :)

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The Road Warrior (1982) review

Posted : 7 years, 4 months ago on 13 September 2011 09:53 (A review of The Road Warrior (1982))

What can be said about, "The Road Warrior" in terms of it's overall value of a feature film? Now personally I've been a Mad Max fan since I watch the first Mad Max film from 1979. Yes I've also seen all three parts of the Mad Max story and each have high and low points.
However, I came hear today to talk about the second installment; "The Road Warrior" as it is known. In my professional opinion in critical reviewing films this story jumps out at me.

The first time I saw this movie I was hooked before the opening narration was finished. The way the narrator used images and subtle almost savage words to describe the fall of human society was chilling. In fact in the series it doesn't even fully address there was an Apocalypse until the third film.

In the opening chase scene when we see Max the auidence can clearly see how worn out he has become ever since the closing to the first film. He drifts all over the wasteland with only the search for gasoline to fuel his motivation.

We also get two main villians: A Mohawk Warrior named Wez and the Leader The Lord Humungus. Here we see the contrast between these two; where Wez is a loud and violent warrior with a thirst for blood. The Lord Humungus attempts to lure his enemies into false sercurity with his empty promises this goes well with his Mask as he hides his real face and with it his true nature. (His mask which you will later see ripped off in Friday the 13th Part 3 by Jason LOL no it's cool.) I mean if the first Saw movie can steal the ending death for the first Mad Max movie with cutting off your own leg then why not LOL.

Basically, to sum it up Mad Max 2 The Road Warrior is more then just an action packed summer flic. It has depth to it's story however due to the short lines of dialouge a big portion of the stories hidden messages is told strictly through visuals. As seen in the outfits, weapons, and of course the cars.

This film only gets better the further you watch it and the final climax car chase in my opinion is one of the greatest and most realistic action scenes I've ever had the pleasure of viewing in my time. This movie was so well put together in terms of an action film and it also had some quite and light hearted moments so we as the auidence could sit back and take in the atmosphere and the story itself.

Personally I love all the Mad Max films but in my opinion The Road Warrior is so well directed, written, and spaced out that it could have been a stand alone film without parts 1 and 3. However, I am grateful to both George Miller and Terry Hayes for writing this picture and of course Mel Gibson who will always be the one and the only Mad Max.

We all feel your loss Max we've all lost someone we've loved. But, you shall regain your humainty Max and you will be able to live again thank you for your time :)

-(For a first review I hope I did okay)

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